Grumps and rants

For the last time I'm sitting in my endeared balcony. I guess enjoying noise from planes in the sky, sirens from ambulances. Night is beautifully pleasant, close to full moon, breezy. Wrapped in my thoughts, few brooded upon, reliving good memories, burying the heart wrenching ones (Arlington Cemetery is close by). Gazing at small whatsoever Virginia skyline with clear head, empty mind like a clean slate. One on which anything could be etched and everything could be erased, again and again. I am going to miss balcony for an indefinite period of time. My body is aching and eyes are heavy from all the packing, cleaning. Am moving. This is figuratively and literally, both. I'm moving to the world's financial capital and moving on in my life, further and farther. DC had been the city where I resided, lived more than eighteen months in last more than half-a-decade. I can't believe myself it's been really a long time of more than two and half years. Years pass by but no...

I jostle with numerous things, things that are like cake walk for many. I merely can't figure or make up my mind. It takes me time to convince myself, to gather my thoughts and make route through them. As in whence I'm jabbing keys on this laptop for blogging I've to make some outline of the post, some times it's like a fog, few times I write in multiple seatings, edit, review and again consolidate thoughts. The picture is hazy, where to start, where to end is unclear.  A decade or so back I was prepping for an entrance exam and during one of the classes we were told physics is about feel. If you can't get it then it is going to be hard. I didn't understand it for many months until practising tens of questions, writing tests I consistently scored in single digits. Later on I quit preparations for the exam and aimed lower for I realized I'm unable to get idea of things quickly, as was needed.  I realized and practised this thoroughly yet I haven't sto...

It's 65°-ish Fahrenheit in the District. Evening is serene, save cruising sound of vehicles from highway across the apartment and loud noise from jets from airport near by.  This weather is totally marvelous, I could sit entire night without moving, yet enjoy every moment of it. Pleasantness is immeasurable in the Fall in DC. I'm going to miss it, very very much. Dawns are bit soggy, misty, foggy. Need an another layer to wrap, absorb a tad chilly weather with a savory tea. Time has changed. I'm inundated with some mixed feelings, doubts, some inhibitions. Things have changed, time has moved on, however, I reckon it's me who hasn't. Probably, time to rectify stuff within self. Not going to roll as always, had been, have been.  I ponder too hard on how and what causes these changes so slow, that are much needed yet take years to understand, identify, be cognizant of. People are mean, selfish. They are going to lie, absorb anything, nod, roll eyes as if things are ...

Why we hurt people we love most? Why do we say unbearable things that we didn't mean to? Why we say painful things to people we care most? What is it that fires up within urging to sow venomous seeds in the hearts of people you value the most? How do we come up with mettle to utter most agonizing, tormenting words to people who respect you more than anything else? Why don't we understand that it's easy to lose, hurt people than to get along with most beautiful memories of your lifetime? Why is it not easy to let go people and things you wished for? Why is it that there are scars for deeds that got unintentionally done? How do we sleep with thorns in soul after rending apart hearts of people who mean everything? Why don't we accept things as is and let things fall their own way than relentlessly rescuing them to not to fall in the cracks? Why is it there's irreparable damage done even when the desire was sinless? Why is there a hope within us that's c...

Over the last few years I've come more as a morning person than nocturnal. Waking up by seven o'clock or eight to the late, even on weekends. I get restless otherwise, mind and body don't need excess of nothing. Weekend mornings tend to be quiet here in the district. Most of the people were either awake until morning for drinks, or busy gaming, TV series, talking politics. This city loves politics. If you're in the district then you'll not escape from the the bug of politics. You'll often see black and long cars of congressmen, entourage of Harley-Davidson police motorcycles with sirens blaring. Politics and power. This city is a prime destination for tourists when it's not cold. I've never had a chance to venture out to enjoy the luxuries of a tourist - to bite breakfast. I incredibly love going to old-fashioned joints whence on travels, grab something to eat, savor coffee, pour again and soak coffee's nose flaring smell. Sit, order, wait pati...

A lot has changed since the time we've moved to new office. Fridays tend to get bit desolate as the week prepares for week-end. Few weeks back I was going nuts with deadlines of performance review. As scheduled I had a call with supervisor which went fine. Tiny tweaks here and there things got streamlined. I was about to wrap up from work then I heard foot steps and few chatters. Upon looking, I see dean of the department with 2 more persons. She knocks on couple of office doors to see anyone is there, but I told her none is around and are working from so and so place. With a bit disappointment she manages to pull herself and talk with other 2 people. Shows the terrace area and was about to leave. Upon looking closely I realize the person she is with is a billionaire. But to me a billionaire is all fancy person with suit and bells and whistles. This person outrightly dismissed my view of a billionaire. Whilst I'm still in shock billionaire exchanged pleasantries addressing ...

By no means I'm connected to art, not even in the remotest way. I'm awful with drawings, writings, performances or any other form which necessitates creativity or, and ingenuity. I profoundly lack artistic skills. I never learnt, never developed or perhaps had them in me. Never did I focus or knew what art is until I saw friends engaging in poems and similar works. Back in school couple of participation once or twice in Annual function at Ravindra Natya Grah or playground, but things never took off. For live shows I never had the massive desire to go to rock bands, nor I could know where and what to look out for such things. Also, given their location and exorbitant prices they were always a let go. But sometimes there always comes a window of opportunity. There were mass e-mails at my earlier workplace regarding blood donation drive or, corporate social responsibility (CSR) or any other outing. Out of curiosity I never stopped checking them and one fine day there was one ...

There is always a lurking thought in mind to reach certain height. For few it may be top level in firm, or stardom, or financial stability, or getting along with physical, or mental disability. And as and when these milestones are achieved, bar is raised to another level and endeavors start pouring in respective direction. Perhaps, that is how one keeps on striving and get the going? This post of mine doesn't cover any such aspect of life but is about my recent trip inside the Washington Monument. I had booked ticket 1.5-2 months online prior to my visit. I wanted to reach there before dusk hours but at the same time not in DC heat. Keeping everything in check I planned it for August 5, Friday evening. The weather was really nice by the time I entered monument and it got beautiful by exit hours. Elevator takes you to the top. You can spend any amount of time until closing. Upon reaching there you will notice big red blinking lights present, which are visible from any part of DC...

This year Olympics will be organized in Rio. With all support, and positive vibes in media, social networks Indians are wishing, and aiming for a tally of 10 than 6 of last Olympics. Media flooded with greetings on qualifying of Dipa Karamakar in Gymnasts for Rio-16. A true moment of happiness, whence hard work, sweat and blood meet a coveted spot for a sports person. She is the first Indian woman to enter in gymnasts. A moment of pride for the nation, indeed. Warm wishes from the legendary God of Cricket - Sachin Tendulkar were relayed. Moments like these throw a tide of inspiration of many other athletes, and people whom nation doesn't know, and hear of. Boosts morale for sports persons to continue to persevere, and sweat out with one goal irrespective of the failures, and hurdles.  Running out of romantic, Hollywood, and South Indian movie scripts Indian cinema has of late shedded light on sports through biopics on Milkha Singh, Paan Singh Tomar, Mary Kom among few others. I...

Pic 1: Writing gets me! I had involuntarily threw in the towel to get back to writing. Um, but this harassed me all day, entire time at my work place, nightmares each night, wherever I was, for I'm not doing what I'm not good at yet I strive to get a hold of my writing skills by reading a lot, lot here implies thick classic novels of all time. Writing had me interested yesteryears, to which I've no account.  For me writing should have been a medium to articulate what goes on around me, travels, few lessons here and there, but rather it had me going hither and thither ( as in pic 1). It started to take a great amount of time, for I'm a person who sticks to a certain thing to improve leaving all the remaining stuff until polishing is done. Uh.! But it's really hard to get every petty thing to an impeccable quality. Rather it works the other way round, get an initial draft, release and then toil in to improve existing piece. Next, to get into a second language w...

This is not what I had signed up for. Alas, what is the worth of it doing!? After all, why do it? What would I accomplish from this? Is this what I'm ..., with that I fling another swearing.  Hurling more curses, adjusting and kicking on the chair, I try to focus on my monitor screen,  an over illuminated one. Monitor so agonizingly bright that I might want to wear sun glasses and work for some time, and perhaps hide swollen eyes which refused to open up on the name of Monday. Yikes!! With that, Monday for most, if not all, begins a gory first day of the week. May Lord help to elucidate what went over Sunday that drove to such an awful worn-out yet sunny, and shiny Monday. Having unable to demystify of went past day, I pour a hot brewing cup of coffee. Savoring it, stirring melting the un-melted sugar, gazing at it - forcing my eyes to adjust, smelling, soaking in the bean smell mustering power to beat numbness.  Despite futile attempts, trudging into the black h...