Another circle of life?

Date 06/11/2019

Back in 2010 or so I used to visit an NGO; that used to assist kids with special needs. I and few of my friends were part of a group to meet kids, teach, spend time with them. These kids had genetic disorders, learning disabilities and such. Again, and again we taught them A-Z, or 0-9, or names kid would fail next day or next minute, splitting heart into smithereens. I didn't recall a day where my eyes didn't well up there; I was torn apart, as I was in tears. I wasn't strong enough to face them. After these sessions I used to get back to routine, fun as it was the end of my college education, again cycle continued. I visited the NGO once a week and as time went the visits got sparser; I didn't visit in later months of my under-graduate college. I couldn't summon courage to visit or insincerity got better of me.

These days I work at a research-based, academic-hospital setting. I see loads of kids with severe genetic disorder, kids with special abilities. These kids are impaired physically as well as cognitively. I never interacted with them, or refrained as the family may retort, until recently and of course I didn’t muster enough mettle. As luck and life would have it, I was asked to meet and gift anything to people with special abilities. 

Today I met a kid barely more than age of five. He was wearing mask, on wheel chair had a stand with IV drip, perhaps going through a cancer treatment. I offered him some eatables which his mother gladly asked him and thanked. Yesterday, another kid accepted some eatables I offered, after asking her mother. The kid was extremely delighted. These kids get happy to an unimaginable degree. I meet kids whom I offered chips, juice or cookie but parents denied as kids were unable to consume any of those. It's emotionally difficult for me to be patient with these situations. There are certain days I don’t find anyone whom I could offer, or they could accept due to disability, or met one due to religious reasons, too.

I see an end-to-end smile when they accept or flummoxed cheerful way when refusing. It's fulfilling when these events occur. but throws a brick in my stomach. I consider my day to be complete when that happens, as what more joy is it than to see kids and family is despair share a light-hearted moment.

I wonder what would it take us to be happy if despite life-long, chronic illness kids get stoked with so simple gesture of humility. I think ours is a position that's several magnitudes better; walk, able to hold things and have discernible conversation with anyone, anytime, the crutches of life are only we’re incapacitated to. Can we not simply show gratitude to what we have, smile and admire for things we have, then not to be concerned with what we would have had?