Burning chunks of self
One fine Friday evening whilst leaving workplace, colleague asked what plans do I have for the evening. As usual, the answer was nothing much and would get bored. She was surprised and asked why bored? I told her that I like being here and enjoy working. She chuckled and didn't believe. Ugh.
I like constant reluctance from task not getting complete. That resistance drives me nuts nonetheless, and I get on to it every minute. Even I leave work, in the back of my mind I think about some or the thing related to work and get on it next day. Not that someone has put a pistol on my head for task, but how else does one steer through the day? There is an incessant pull and push from the work. Sometimes I enjoy and sometimes don't, either way. A long day and extended hours of work are something I prefer being soaked into. Totally disconnected from any other thing. Sheer numbness and absent mindedness, Ha! I like to hammer hard myself, as a blacksmith does to red hot iron on the anvil with an indifference and shape it to be extremely tensile. I enjoy the bond I've forged with work and drown myself into the oblivion.
Infrequently question pops up in my head if is this really the way to go? Innumerable questions run ruckus in head. Loud noises. Din. Oft in despair I let them go. Perhaps that is the only way to overcome them? I snatch them out from my mind like the one in Harry Potter stories, toss them thinking I'm naive to face them now and may the sanity inside me gets better of me.
Mornings turn into evenings and evenings into pleasant nights. Time flies, days pass like a blink. No other thoughts. Hollowness, don't know if I've started to accept to it? Let it be like this and not rock the boat. Morning freshness transforms into tiredness after work. Heavy eyes from incessant illuminated monitor, body ache and fatigue from workout. The motivation to keep this floating. Facing another same day is nothing but an effort, equivalent to move a mountain and sometimes, cakewalk with utter delight.
Tonight I can't sleep even after a long, chilly day, crushed by thoughts. By the absolute silence of night my soul metamorphoses into embers, just like from a fire that struggled to stay alit in the hearth; for which new wood awaits and flame breathes in life.
PS: Wish everyone a happy Diwali and prosperous year ahead.
PPS: Turned 28 last week.
I like constant reluctance from task not getting complete. That resistance drives me nuts nonetheless, and I get on to it every minute. Even I leave work, in the back of my mind I think about some or the thing related to work and get on it next day. Not that someone has put a pistol on my head for task, but how else does one steer through the day? There is an incessant pull and push from the work. Sometimes I enjoy and sometimes don't, either way. A long day and extended hours of work are something I prefer being soaked into. Totally disconnected from any other thing. Sheer numbness and absent mindedness, Ha! I like to hammer hard myself, as a blacksmith does to red hot iron on the anvil with an indifference and shape it to be extremely tensile. I enjoy the bond I've forged with work and drown myself into the oblivion.
Mornings turn into evenings and evenings into pleasant nights. Time flies, days pass like a blink. No other thoughts. Hollowness, don't know if I've started to accept to it? Let it be like this and not rock the boat. Morning freshness transforms into tiredness after work. Heavy eyes from incessant illuminated monitor, body ache and fatigue from workout. The motivation to keep this floating. Facing another same day is nothing but an effort, equivalent to move a mountain and sometimes, cakewalk with utter delight.
Tonight I can't sleep even after a long, chilly day, crushed by thoughts. By the absolute silence of night my soul metamorphoses into embers, just like from a fire that struggled to stay alit in the hearth; for which new wood awaits and flame breathes in life.
PS: Wish everyone a happy Diwali and prosperous year ahead.
PPS: Turned 28 last week.
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